Boundaries can also be referred to as your limits or the lines you draw between yourself and other people in your life. In order to set effective, healthy boundaries, it's important to take some time and critically evaluate what is healthy and acceptable for you in relationships. Boundaries can offer you some form of mental and physical protection, depending on the type of boundary you establish.
Often, we refrain from setting boundaries because of how others will perceive us - we don't want to be 'difficult' now, do we?
However, not setting boundaries may mean neglecting our own needs as we constantly focus on pleasing others instead.
There are many common misconceptions when it comes to setting healthy boundaries.
1. I will be perceived as a weak or mean person if I request something.
2. My needs and wants are undeserving of being met.
3. I cannot say no, it's selfish and someone might get upset.
4. Setting boundaries means I'm telling someone what to do. I'm not controlling!
5. Others will not be able to count on me if I set boundaries.
1. The act of setting boundaries does not equate to being selfish, but rather a form of self-care.
2. The aim is not to control someone else's behaviour, but becoming aware of, and controlling, your own.
3. Your needs are also valid; you are allowed to request something.
4. People will sometimes push against your boundaries.
5. If your boundaries are crossed, you are allowed to voice this.
- Take some time to determine what the reasons are for your specific boundaries?
- Be consistent with the boundaries you implement.
- Communicate your boundaries, and let others know when they have crossed them.
- Be considerate of the needs of the person you're communicating with when making your boundaries known.
- Be specific when communicating your boundaries.
- Pay attention to your feelings and needs.
- Gently let someone know when they have crossed a boundary; be mindful not to become accusatory.
- It creates and maintains open, honest communication channels
Others can communicate their expectations to you because you provide clarity on what your limits are. It allows you the opportunity to say 'no' to a request if it doesn't align with your boundaries. It also allows you to hold space for the other party to establish and communicate their limits with you.
- Boost self-esteem
Being able to set clear, well-thought out boundaries shows that you have engaged in self-reflection. You also show that you have respect for your needs and values. You may feel more secure and confident.
- Reduces stress
Not being in tune with your boundaries, may make you feel stressed and overwhelmed when you're confronted with something uncomfortable. Knowing when to say 'yes' and 'no' can eliminate a lot of stress in your life, allowing you to experience more feelings of tranquility.
- Assists you to respect the boundaries of others
You'll be better equipped to understand why someone else says 'no' to something you might want. It's important to respect others' boundaries, too.
Resources:
https://www.liberationhealingseattle.com/blog-trauma-therapist/9-common-myths-misunderstandings-of-setting-boundaries
https://makedapennycooke.com/7-myths-setting-boundaries/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#what-are-boundaries
https://psychcentral.com/health/matrescence
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-setting-boundaries-so-damn-important-how-do-right-felecia